Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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