oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
