you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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