If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
