Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
