It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
