Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
