saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
