grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
