Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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