Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
