Welp...herpes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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