im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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