why didn't you poke me back
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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