Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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