laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
