Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
