wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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