Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
