Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
