Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
