It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
