I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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