I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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