I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
