I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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