cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize