I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
