What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
