I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You ate ashes out of my bong
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