I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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