He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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