Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
