Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
