shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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