Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
