I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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