She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
