So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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