2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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