Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
