Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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