we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Couch. On fire.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
