my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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