At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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