I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
