The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
