she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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