His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
