True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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