So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
