when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm too high and old for this...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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