Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
