My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
