im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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