i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
