Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
