Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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