Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
