We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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