how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
