u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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