YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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