handjob tips. give me some.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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