How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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